Uzi Jesus, formally displayed as HeyZoos: Uzi Jesus, is a unique level 140 T'Ghee totem from Ecuador. The undead ranged healer resembles an anime Jesus carrying an Uzi and possesses twenty-plus skills. Florin gives the captured card to Donut, who later permanently combines it with Asojano to create a stronger Lazarus card. The orange unique card depicts a white-robed, red-sashed figure with flowing brown hair, halo, and firearm. Its listed statistics include constitution 200, a seventy-five-second summon duration, undead, ranged, and healer classifications, plus Blood into Lead, Resurrect Totem, Bullet Hell, and more than twenty other abilities. Florin stops the totem after it terrorizes a village, raises cemetery zombies for amusement, and turns a river into wine. Because the figure is undead, a supreme healing potion incapacitates it. Florin claims the drink comes from its father, then flags and captures the card while Uzi Jesus believes him to be an angel. Florin transfers the card because the totem is too powerful and disobedient for his build. Donut's charisma offers a better chance of control, but Uzi Jesus remains cocky and unreliable. The card supplies ranged damage and healing to a squad otherwise dominated by melee fighters and debuff specialists. A temporary gold version resurrects with twin gold-plated Uzis and uses Bullet Hell against Quan Ch. Donut later permanently combines Uzi Jesus and Asojano through card effects, producing a Lazarus figure with a magical bazooka and traits from both components. The original card is no longer independently available after that permanent combination. A commercial Uzi Jesus action figure appears outside the dungeon and later travels with Eris in Book 8. The small robot imitates the totem's profanity, gunplay, and aura perception, but it is a manufactured replica rather than proof that the original card entity escaped. The robot is active at the latest appearance.
Uzi Jesus
Character
Uzi Jesus, formally displayed as HeyZoos: Uzi Jesus, is a unique level 140 T'Ghee totem from Ecuador. The undead ranged healer resembles an anime Jesus carrying an Uzi and possesses twenty-plus skills. Florin gives the captured card to Donut, who later...