Gluteus Maxx is a short, muscular, heavily haired NPC dancer at the Penis Parade, later hired as a Royal Court mercenary. He fights with twin war gauntlets, serves in Faction Wars, drives a Tenth Floor race, and disappears from the active floor after seeking an audience with Hamed. Gluteus performs at the Desperado Club's male revue. His stage name follows the exaggerated naming style used by dancers such as Damascus Steel, Splash Zone, Dong Quixote, and Author Steve Rowland. Katia describes him as a talented dancer and somewhat of a jerk. She also suspects that he is in love with Donut. Donut dances onstage from his shoulder and showers coins into his thong while maintaining the strict spending budget she uses at the club. The scene establishes a friendly, theatrical bond. Gluteus later becomes part of the larger group of performers whose continued employment is threatened after Astrid's death. Rosemarie authorizes Carl's coupon-backed contract for the eligible Penis Parade crew. Gluteus is transferred into the Royal Court's mercenary barracks with the other dancers. The arrangement protects them from reassignment to the Larracos level or use as hostile Faction Wars personnel. In the Mercenary Arcade, Gluteus selects twin war gauntlets and trains as a close-range fighter. His compact body and enthusiasm suit a punching build. The training environment repeatedly kills and regenerates mercenaries so they can practice, exposing the violence hidden inside an apparently beneficial upgrade. Gluteus helps Imani's group during the demon eviction crisis by throwing aggressive sluggalos toward demons, causing the demons to portal the infected creatures away. He later fights as part of the allied force with his gauntlets. During Faction Wars he remains one of Carl's summonable team members and participates in large coalition engagements. The Royal Court chooses Gluteus to drive because the kangaroo suit prevents Carl from reaching the controls and Gluteus is the best of the dancers at Mario Kart. He wears a hockey helmet with his usual Speedo and attacks the event with reckless confidence. Before the race, Gluteus takes two outworlder stimulants he learned about from Samantha. His eyes turn red, his behavior becomes manic, and he claims the drugs let him taste time. He drives through a dangerous heat involving Sugar Hermits. Carl and Donut survive and place first, but Gluteus collapses after the wreck. Splash Zone feeds him soup while he recovers from the overdose. Samantha denies responsibility because Gluteus chose the dose himself and complains that he owes her money. The episode is comic in presentation but nearly kills the team and demonstrates the danger of giving dungeon-born NPCs substances designed for outsiders. Gluteus is later stabbed by the hostile croupier while searching Desperado Club games for a Nothing result. Splash Zone arranges an audience with Hamed in hopes of finding his wife, and Gluteus and Doctor Bones accompany him. All three subsequently become unreachable. The system states that they are no longer on the floor while continuing to charge Carl their daily fee. The message does not report death. Bucket Boy confirms their destination, and Carl later hopes they are safe. Gluteus is therefore classified as missing after removal from the Tenth Floor, not deceased.
- Splash Zone
- Doctor Bones
- Dong Quixote
- Penis Parade
- Hamed